


Proposing

by Dee_Laundry



Series: Mono [1]
Category: House M.D.
Genre: Dialogue-Only, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-07-23
Updated: 2006-07-23
Packaged: 2017-10-14 03:46:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/144999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dee_Laundry/pseuds/Dee_Laundry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spite's a good reason to commit your life to another person.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Proposing

**Author's Note:**

> By request of [](http://conunduh.livejournal.com/profile)[**conunduh**](http://conunduh.livejournal.com/) and [](http://mikhyel.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://mikhyel.livejournal.com/)**mikhyel**. In this 'verse, New Jersey doesn't allow same-sex marriage or civil unions, because the original fic was written before the court case that produced civil unions in New Jersey, and well before marriage equality was established nationwide in June 2015.

_Dr. House, I really appreciate all that your team has done for me._

Sure. Where is the discharge nurse?

_It’s been just a great experience. I especially enjoyed talking to that young girl doctor._

Cameron? She’s a barrel of laughs. Why is there never a nurse around when you need one?

_When we talked about you, though, I got the sense that you were not as fulfilled in your personal life as you should be._

Well, here we are in the lobby. Never found the nurse, but that’s alright. You should be good to go from here.

_Do you go to church every Sunday? It’s crucial for your spiritual health to be right with the Lord. And Miss Cameron said you’re not married. Marriage is important for a man, especially one of your age. You should be getting settled down._

Is that so? Hey, Wilson!

What?

My ex-patient here thinks it’s time for you and me to get married.

Why not? My mother's going to want to plan the wedding, you know.

No chicken dance, no throwing the bouquet. I don't mind the garter thing, though. You know what, I should just plan the reception; your mom can plan the ceremony.

Sounds good. I'll take care of the honeymoon.

Fun! *to the patient* Well, now that that's settled, you can take off.

_Marriage is between a man and a woman! You can't marry another man!_

Forgot about that. Wilson!

I’m working over here.

We can't do a wedding. Laws of the state and so forth.

That's too bad.

We could move to Massachusetts.

Nah, I'd have to pack; that's a pain.

We could have one of those, what do you call it, commitment ceremony things instead.

Gotta go; I have a meeting.

Don't leave me hanging!

Fine.

*to the patient* There we go; everyone’s happy. Off with you now.

_That’s an abomination. When a man lies with another man, they both shall be put to death._

Oh, Leviticus. The most fun book in the Bible. Did you read the part about how wearing a garment of mixed cloths is against God’s law? No? Go brush up then, because your shirt, in addition to being a horrible color and cut, gives off that nasty sheen because it’s a cotton-rayon blend. Unnatural AND sinful. Off you go, bye-bye.

***

Wilson! Hold the elevator.

Sure. So, are you calling your parents, or do you want me to?

Excuse me?

Seeing as how we’re having a ceremony, I thought you’d want to call your parents. Or, your father’s kind of an old-fashioned, by-the-book guy. Maybe I should call and ask for your hand.

To be really old-fashioned, Wilson, you need to do it in person. That’d give Mom and me some time to make sure my hope chest is fully stocked.

I’m expecting a good size dowry for taking you off their hands.

How about we refund you all the money you’ve loaned me over the years?

Throw in payback for every meal I’ve bought you, and you’ve got a deal.

Deal.

Are we still kidding around? I’ve lost track.

We should do it just to spite that bitch patient. Interesting disease but one hell of a boring personality.

Spite’s a good reason to commit your life to another person.

Wasn’t spite why you married your second wife?

Not spite, jealousy. Totally different. Wife #1 was loneliness, and Wife #3 was… I forget.

Anyway, you already said yes, so you can’t welsh on me now.

Good, now I can mark off Welsh on my House Bigotry Bingo card. Foreman will be jealous; he’s way behind.

I’ll rephrase. Don’t be an Indian giver.

Even worse.

Do something skinflinty so I can call you a Jew.

Oh, look. I made a roving kite pattern on my Bingo card. That pays out triple.

Now you’ll have money to take me to lunch.

I actually do have a meeting.

Come find me afterwards; you can tell me where you’re going to take me on our honeymoon.

Once again, I lost track. Are we kidding about this or serious?

Can’t it be both?

Not really.

This your meeting room?

Yes.

Step in, and all will be made clear. Attention…

New oncology residents.

Attention new oncology residents! Anybody here homophobic?

House.

No? Good. You’ve met the Department Head for Oncology, Dr. James Wilson, right? Because he’s a wuss, he’s probably invited you all to ask him questions, told you he has an open door policy.

House.

Well, I have to break it to you that this will not be entirely the case. Seeing as how Dr. Wilson and I just got engaged, and my office is made entirely out of glass, I’m thinking there will be times when his door will definitely be shut.

House.

Do not even knock when the door is closed, because my wrath is terrible to behold.

Thank you, Dr. House, for that, um, interesting icebreaker. The first item actually on the agenda for this meeting is—

Deadly serious, baby.

Thank you again, Dr. House. We’ll discuss this later.

Where do you think we should register for gifts?


End file.
